I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
