Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
