Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize