i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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