My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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