he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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