I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I cut my penus on the lid.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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