I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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