Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
