Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
