Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Drunk walkin through police station. America
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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