Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
