wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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