after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
