He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
how does that bad decision feel?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
