i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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