I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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