There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
