How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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