You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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