I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
