were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
