Old men and throwing up are my life now.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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