I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize