I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Randomize
