There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
how does that bad decision feel?
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