so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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