I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
