My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
