FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
