somebody snuck up and got me drunk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
