I am puke
You smell like stripper and shame
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm too high and old for this...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
