i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
