Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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