He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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