You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
