I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
