I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My breasts were aching with rage.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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