I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
