I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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