my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
