Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
