I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
