Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
