I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
