I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
