I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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