Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
