I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
