dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
