I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
as a side note pls kill me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
