My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize