Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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