Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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