The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
