And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
