so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
