Rock
Scissors
Fuck
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
