i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
