tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
