3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
