did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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