I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
