ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize