Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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