Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
