we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
