Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
where are my eyebrows?
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