I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
